I Want The One I Can't Have
by envy.and.pride
Summary: Kankurou finally realizes his love... for his brothers girlfriend. KankuSaku !Complete!
1. I Want The One I Can't Have

**I Want The One I Can't Have**

**Alright guys here's the deal. This is my first fan-fic. So yeh. Sorry if it sucks. I was inspired by the song, I Want The One I Can't Have by The Smiths. But its mostly the title that I took.**

**So I would appreciate it if you could read and review. And yes, flames are reviews.**

**Oh yeh. I don't own Naruto. Or Gaara. Much as I want to. **

Kankurou stared openly at the pink-haired girl sitting next to his brother, his heart racing. It had been six months since Gaara had been rescued from the Akatsuki, three since he had started dating the pink haired kunoichi from Konoha, and one since Kankurou had realised that he wanted, no needed Sakura. Sometimes puppets weren't enough company. He felt guilty, staring at his brother's girlfriend so openly, since the young Kazekage had found his happiness with Sakura. Trying to take her away from him was cruel.

He looked down sheepishly, envy clear in his face. He looked up again, just in time to see Sakura laugh and kiss Gaara on the cheek. The redhead blushed, looking as emotionless as ever, but his brother could see his happiness.

The puppet master stalked away, glaring at his feet. God, the mixed emotions were killing him. Guilt, lust, envy, anger, all a mess in his head.

He walked home slowly, kicking a stone along the dusty main street of Suna. He walked inside the house and sat at the kitchen table with a sigh. They'd be home soon, sit at the couch, kiss. It burned Kankurou up inside. He banged his head on the table in exasperation, letting his forehead rest on the smooth wood.

Sakura wrapped her arms around Gaara, smiling. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, revelling in their closeness. It was amazing how warm he was. With his cold demeanour, the first time she hugged Gaara, she expected him to be stone cold. She had discovered so much about him, and him about her. She breathed in deeply, his slight scent filling her nostrils. He was so sweet when they were alone together.

"Was that Kankurou over there?" Sakura asked Gaara, puzzled, as she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. He had hung around them quite a lot in the last few days. He seemed nice enough to Sakura, despite the fact that he usually talked to Gaara, hardly ever to her. She had come to the conclusion that he didn't like her much.

"I'm not sure…" Gaara replied quietly, staring after where Sakura had gestured to.

"Doesn't matter." Sakura muttered, turning and brushing her lips against his.

He turned his aquamarine eyes back to her, staring into her deep jade eyes.

"You're so beautiful, I couldn't look at anything else." Gaara said, a small smile appearing on his lips. The side of him that almost no one but Sakura saw. She blushed and returned the smile.

"Why don't we go home?" He asked and Sakura nodded, taking his hand. They walked back to Gaara's house.

As Sakura stepped through the door, she noticed Kankurou sitting at the table. He looked like he was sleeping. The pink haired girl disregarded him and turned to Gaara once more.

"I have to go take a shower." Gaara told Sakura. "Can you wait here for a few minutes with Kankurou?" He asked her, still holding her hand.

"Sure." Sakura said, sitting at the table across from the puppet master, who had just raised his head up from the table. Sakura was finding it hard to read his expression. Dislike perhaps?

Kankurou almost groaned as Sakura came in the door with his brother and his heart went mad. What was worse, he was leaving her alone with him. What was he going to do? Polite conversation would be awkward. He was afraid if he tried to say anything to her, he would spill out all of his feelings for her.

He looked down to hide the blush creeping across his cheeks.

"How are you going?" Sakura asked, smiling at him. Kankurou thought she was so nonchalant, compared to what he was feeling. He took a long time answering, staring at her near-perfect smile. Was that for him, or just lingering happiness from being with Gaara?

"F-fine." He said eventually, watching her now puzzled look.

"Are you sure?" She seemed… concerned? Or just confused?

"Yeah I'm sure. How about you?" He had regained his composure finally.

"Great." She grinned.

"Can I… uh, get you anything?" Kankurou asked her, a hint of his nervousness still in his voice.

"Oh alright then." She glanced upstairs at the corridor Gaara had disappeared down, what seemed like years ago. "Just a glass of water thanks." She fiddled with her hands on the table. Kankurou nodded and stood up, his chair scraping loudly across the floor. He almost dropped the glass on the way to the sink, but Sakura didn't seem to notice, absorbed in thought as she seemed to be. _Probably thinking about Gaara…_ Kankurou thought with resentment. He filled up the glass and took it back to the table. He stood next to Sakura to put the glass down on the table in front of her. He stayed there for probably what was longer than necessary, breathing heavily as he registered how close they were.

She gave him a funny look and he hurried back to his seat, mortified.

Sakura stared at the puppet master across from her as she tried to fathom what was going on in his mind. He was acting really strangely that afternoon. She put it out of her mind, putting it down to the heat. How long was Gaara taking in the shower? She was going mad around his strange brother. She just wanted to be with him.

She sipped her water quietly, as her eyes wandered around the room, avoiding Kankurou's. They seemed to be fixed on her. It was unsettling to her. Yet again she wondered what he was thinking.

_Come on goddamn it!_ Kankurou thought. _Just tell her. Gaara's not here. What's the worst that could happen?_ He told himself as he stared absently at Sakura.

_Fine._ He resolved. _I will then._

"Sakura?" Kankurou said, his voice sounding stranger than usual.

"Yes?" The pink-haired leaf ninja looked up from where she was staring at the table.

Kankurou heard a footstep behind him, and his heart plummeted. "Uh… Gaara's back." He hung his head and walked quickly up to his room, passing his brother on the stairs.

He lay on his bed, hearing everything that was happening downstairs. It was as if someone had given him extra good hearing, so he could hear everything that he would rather have blocked out. Their shared words of love, the slight sound made as they exchanged kisses, they all made Kankurou burn with envy and desire.

Eventually the two moved to Gaara's room, at the other end of the house and the noises were shut off. Just as well.

Sakura woke up the next morning in the guest room in Gaara's house, opening her eyes sleepily. She caught a flash of movement from the doorway.

_Kankurou again?_ She thought groggily. _He was probably just passing…_

Sakura walked downstairs silently, getting herself some breakfast and sitting at the table to eat it. That table again. The one she had sat at with Kankurou the other afternoon.

_Kankurou!?_ She thought. _Why am I thinking about him so much lately?_ She cradled her head in her hands, nursing her confused feelings.

_I love Gaara._ She resolved, pushing all other thoughts out of her mind.

She looked up, startled, as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Kankurou?" She asked before she saw who it was.

"Kankurou?" Gaara asked puzzled.

"Oh, I'm sorry Gaara." Sakura mumbled. "I… uh, thought you were Kankurou. I saw him up earlier this morning"

"Oh." Gaara nodded and gave Sakura a swift kiss on the cheek. "I have to go now, but I'll be back in a few hours."

"I'll be waiting." Sakura sounded downcast. The worst part of her day was waiting for him to come home from his duties as Kazekage.

He walked out the door with a small smile back at Sakura. She finished her breakfast pretty quickly and went back to her room. She would go somewhere in town perhaps. She heard a slight sound, the creaking of floorboards and looked up. Unsurprisingly, it was Kankurou, standing in the doorway.

"Unh… Hi." Sakura said uncertainly,

"Look, Sakura, I can't stand it any more." Kankurou said, his heart pounding like a drum.

"Can't stand what? What do you mean?" Sakura asked, puzzled.

"Here…" His voice was soft. "Let me show you."

He strode across the room to where she was standing and grabbed her by the shoulders. Before she had time to protest, he leant towards he and pressed his lips against hers, releasing all his pent up feelings for her in the kiss.

He broke away from her finally, and Sakura was speechless with shock.

"What the? I thought you hated me." Sakura said, puzzled.

Kankurou shook his head, finding it hard to get the words he needed to say out of his mouth. The little pink girl was addictive, one taste and he wanted more. With his arms still holding her shoulders, he leant down once more, and before Sakura knew it, his tongue was in her mouth. She struggled against his grip and broke free, pushing him away from her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" She yelled at him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She was angry with him. Sakura grunted in frustration, took a step towards him and slapped him hard across his furiously blushing painted cheeks. She stormed through the house and out the front door, slamming it behind her. She hurried back to the small apartment where she was staying, thinking all along the way.

_I hate that bastard so much!_ She thought furiously to herself. Not so much because he had acted so brashly, but because she found she had enjoyed it, she wanted more…

Kankurou hit his head against the wall over and over, he hated himself that much.

"God… how could I have done that?" He muttered to himself and groaned.

"Done what?" A voice asked. Kankurou looked up suddenly to see Gaara leaning against the wall beside him, arms crossed.

"Oh… Nothing." Kankurou said nervously.

"Where's Sakura?" Gaara asked bluntly.

"She went home. I don't know why, she just left." He lied, his heartbeat quickening.

Gaara didn't answer, but walked back out the door.

Sakura jumped as she heard a knock on her door.

"Shit… it had better not be Kankurou again…" She muttered and went to answer it. When she saw Gaara there, she was unsure what to do. She had just kissed his brother, for gods sake.

"Oh… Hi." She said, avoiding looking into his eyes.

"Is everything alright?" Gaara asked, his voice quiet.

"Fine… Just fine. I'm just a little tired, that's all." Sakura said, feigning a yawn.

"Alright… Would you like to come back?"

Sakura took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok then." They walked in silence. Sakura found it hard to think of anything to say that wouldn't turn out 'Gaara I just pashed your brother.' It was so hard to lie to him…

They reached Gaara's house again, and Sakura watched the floor avidly, to avoid staring at Kankurou, deep in thought on the couch.

Gaara took her past him, up the stairs and into his room, and sat her on his bed.

"Are you sure everything is alright?" He asked her, staring right into her eyes.

God… it was so hard to lie to him.

"Yes." She said.

"Do you know what's wrong with Kankurou?" Gaara asked her suspiciously.

"N-no." The word caught in her throat, and she choked on the lie, the word coming out sounding strangled.

Gaara caught sight of something on her hand then and grabbed her wrist, his grip like steel. He turned it over so that the palm was facing up towards him.

There was a smudge of Kankurou's face paint on her hand, from where she slapped him.

"What is this?" Gaara growled at her.

Nothing." Sakura said meekly, blushing as she faced the ground.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Nothing." She repeated in little more than a mumble.

With his free hand, Gaara grabbed Sakura's chin, forcing her head up to look him in the eye. "Answer me!"

"Well… Kankurou came into the room…" She trailed off, muttering

"And what?!" Gaara demanded, squeezing her wrist.

Sakura yelped with pain, tears springing to her eyes. "And he kissed me…" She muttered reluctantly.

"That bastard!" Gaara growled. He glared at Sakura, letting go of her chin. "You let him?" He asked angrily.

"No I didn't-" Gaara cut her off.

"Shut up! I don't believe you!" He was angry, he had found something that made him happy, and his brother had to come along and steal it.

"I'll deal with you later." He snarled, dealing Sakura a backhanded blow that left her sprawled across the bed. She stared up at him as he stormed from the room, tears running from her eyes.

Gaara stormed down the stairs towards Kankurou, who looked up at the noise.

"What's wrong?" Kankurou asked him.

"You know perfectly well what's wrong you bastard!" Gaara yelled, extending his hand towards his brother as sand came rushing out of his gourd and towards the puppet master.

"Shit…" Kankurou swore, but was distracted by Sakura, who stumbled down the stairs.

"Stop this Gaara." She said, as bravely as she could.

"What? If I kill your boyfriend then what will you do?" Madness was evident in Gaara's eyes.

"He's your brother!" She yelled at him. "Please! Don't hurt him!" She cried, exasperated.

"Shut up." Gaara repeated as the sand wound its way around Kankurou.

Sakura rushed down the rest of the stairs, over to where Gaara was. She threw he arms around him. "Please don't do this! I didn't mean to kiss him!" She looked up into his eyes as she pleaded with him. She reached up and kissed Gaara, trying to convince him not to kill his brother.

"Fine." He said coldly and turned to Kankurou. "Leave. Leave this village and never come back."

Kankurou walked out the door, with a yearning look back at Sakura. He had a brief moment of happiness as he saw Sakura staring at him, love reflected in her eyes. But he left, he disappeared after seeing the look of madness and anger on Gaara's face.

Sakura watched him leave sadly, tears rolling freely down her face. "Thank you." She said to Gaara in a melancholy voice, choked with tears. She felt as though she would never be happy again. It was as if Gaara had changed back to his former self. And she was stuck with him…

**Alright that was it, man. So, as I said before review please?**

**Oh and please don't steal. I would be ever so pissed. I may write a sequel someday. Since this one doesn't seem to have an ending.**


	2. I Could Never Love You

**I Could Never Love You**

**Right. I originally meant this as a sequel to 'I Want the One I Can't Have', but I'm going to submit it as a new chapter, written purely out of boredom.**

**Reviews would be appreciated. xD**

**I don't own Naruto.**

Sakura pushed her food around her plate lifelessly. She just didn't feel like eating. For the past four months she had wasted away. She ate like a bird, only really eating when her stomach cried out in protest. For now she knew for sure. She was with the wrong person. She didn't love Gaara. What she felt for him was little more than a love of being loved. In fact, the more she stayed with the stoic sand-nin, the more she came to hate him. Especially after all that had happened between her and Kankurou. She had started thinking more and more about the puppetmaster, in the months after he was banished to Konoha by his brother. That part of Gaara, Sakura loathed. He shunned his brother out of pure jealousy. He however had forgotten about that time. Or had at least pretended to. He loved Sakura more than ever, or at least pretended that way. Still, after Kankurou left, he smiled less, he laughed less. In every kiss, there was less love and more possessiveness. He no longer let her go back to Konoha at all, to see her friends, because of the chance that she might see Kankurou there. She knew something was on his mind, something that probably wasn't good news for her.

"Not hungry?" Gaara asked suddenly, startling Sakura out of her thoughts.

"Oh… Uh not really." Sakura had wasted away in body and in mind. She felt as if her personality had ceased to be. She was quieter, and less likely to argue her point. Her bones stuck out, after not eating well for so long.

"That's… not good." He raised his non-existent eyebrows.

"I… I'm going to go to bed." Sakura said, putting her plate away and getting into bed after changing quickly into her pyjamas. Quite a while later, while Sakura was still awake, thinking of all that she missed from Konoha, Gaara came and got into bed with her. Luckily, all he really wanted to do in bed with her was to hold her like a giant teddy bear. Before Kankurou left, she would have returned the embrace, but most of the time now they slept his front against her back. Sometimes she liked to pretend that it was really Kankurou behind her. But it didn't work all to well. Especially that night. Sakura closed her eyes, trying to get to sleep. Gaara leaned in closer to her, until his lips were next to her ear.

"You know Sakura… we've been together for long enough. I want you to marry me." She could almost hear his satisfied smirk. But mostly out of fear, Sakura just pretended to be asleep. But that question… that statement plagued her dreams. She didn't want to get married… Or… not to Gaara. Again her mind wandered, back to Kankurou…

She woke up in the morning, in a moment of blissful ignorance. She thought she was still in Konoha, back with her friends. Then she felt the strong arms around her, she noticed the room that wasn't hers. She had been living in Suna for so long, and still sometimes she forgot where she was as she woke up. She moved away from Gaara's embrace as gently as she could, dressing quietly so as to not wake Gaara, still sleeping peacefully.

Sakura hurried down the stairs. Perhaps she would go out for a walk before the city became too busy. She reached the front door, only to find Gaara blocking it.

"Going somewhere?" He asked her suspiciously.

"J-just for a walk…" Sakura said, staring at the ground. Damn, her morning had been ruined again. Lately she got very little time alone. It was starting to annoy her. But she wouldn't speak out about, after losing her spirit, she couldn't.

"If its just a walk, then would you wouldn't mind if I came with you, right?" He asked and without waiting for a reply, put an arm around her shoulder and steered her out of the door. They walked in silence for most of the way, until Gaara decided to talk.

"So…" He whispered, so that Sakura could only just hear. "What do you think?" He asked.

"A-about what?" Sakura asked, though she knew what he was talking about.

"Lets get married." Gaara turned to face her and Sakura saw the excitement in his eyes. She couldn't say no… what would he do to her then?

"A-alright…" Sakura said, intensely aware of the stutter in her voice.

Gaara smiled for the first time in a while. "Great…" He hugged her and she couldn't help but feel sad. "Well… Can we have the wedding in Konoha?" She ventured.

"Why?"

"Well… Temari's in Konoha still, and…" She stopped in the middle of her sentence. "Uh, my friends are there as well." She finished lamely.

"I guess…" Gaara said, leaving it at that as he took her back to the house.

Gaara was brighter than usual that day, but Sakura didn't share his enthusiasm. They were to go to Konoha the next day. Sakura slept a little easier, thinking that she'd be able to see all of her friends the next day. And maybe… Kankurou.

Naruto was the first one to come and find Sakura as she arrived in Konoha. He hugged her happily and noticed the change in her immediately.

"Sakura-chan, whats wrong?" He asked, a note of concern in his voice.

"Oh… n-nothing." She said, managing a smile.

"Alright!" Naruto smiled, leading her along to go see everyone else.

That night Sakura couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned restlessly, and Gaara had turned the other way, away from her. She stood up, out of bed and stole a glance back at Gaara. Acting on a whim, she climbed out of the window and ran along the moonlit streets. She wasn't quite awake, and her legs seemed to be leading her somewhere by themselves. Sakura soon found herself outside a window. Inside was a man with his back to Sakura and… Ino? Ino looked disappointed.

"I'm sorry… It just wouldn't work." The man spoke.

"Why, whats wrong, is it me? Is it my fault?" Ino asked.

"No. Its me." He turned around so that Sakura could see his face.

Kankurou!

"See. I… I love someone else…" Kankurou said. Ino sighed and said goodbye to him before leaving.

Sakura stayed outside, stilled by uncertainty. But there was no contest in her mind.

"Kankurou!" She knocked on the window. He turned to see her, a surprised expression on his face. Kankurou opened the window.

"Sa-Sakura?" He asked, amazed. "Come in!"

She walked around to the door and looked around quickly before going in. They sat down at the table to talk.

"So…" The conversation was already awkward. "Hows stuff with… my brother?" Kankurou asked somewhat nervously, fiddling with his hands..

"We… we're getting married." Sakura said, blushing. She looked downcast.

"Oh…" Even more uncomfortable.

"Kankurou…" Sakura started. "Kankurou, I don't want to get married to Gaara. I- I love you." The last sentence was almost whispered.

He was startled by this statement.

"I… I love you too."

Sakura stood up and moved over towards him.

"Kankurou…" She said, wrapping her arms around him. "Save me." She sobbed.

The puppet master didn't answer, feeling no need to. It was left unsaid as he returned her embrace.

"Come with me." He said, breaking away and holding her hand in his. "We can go… anywhere. I don't care. Where do you want to go?"

"Away…" Sakura whispered. "Away with you. Lets go. Now." She smiled as he squeezed her hand comfortingly.

And, caught up in the excitement of the moment, they left straight away, hurrying through the empty street happily, hand in hand.

They left the city's outskirts just as the cold dawn light began to creep into the sky. "Which way?" Kankurou asked as they reached a few miles of forest.

"Straight ahead? Just keep going." Sakura said, starting forwards and dragging him along with her, into the cover of the trees. The pale morning sunshine coloured the ground below the two a mottled green colour. Sakura had ignored the fact that Gaara might be following them and was even enjoying herself. She giggled and smiled at Kankurou. She felt alive again.

Until she heard a voice that seemed to freeze the very blood in her veins…

"Having fun?" Sakura whipped around to see Gaara standing in a tree behind them. He was trembling, with madness or rage. He was about to lose it.

Kankurou steeped in front of Sakura. There was only one thing on his mind. "You'd better not touch her!" He yelled as Gaara jumped down and stepped towards them.

Gaara ignored him and held his had out. A tendril of sand snaked towards Kankurou and pushed him out of the way.

"Sakura… She… she loves him." Gaara seemed to be talking to himself as he strode towards the frightened kunoichi. He clutched at his head and looked at her.

"I saw that smile. You never smile like that for me. Never. Just- just… go! Leave. With _him_. Just so I never have to see you again." He growled at Sakura as she stumbled backwards, grabbing Kankurou's hand again and fleeing into the trees like startled rabbits, spotted by a predator.

Gaara sank to his knees as he stared after the only one he had ever loved.

"I am clearly not meant to be loved."

"I… love only myself."

**Sorry for the clichéd ending line. xD As I said- written out of boredom.**

**Constructive criticism would be appreciated.**

**s2- Envy**


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